Recently, I wrote a post about a similar topic, but with a different permutation of the male geeks, misogyny, and male jocks relationship: Male geeks reclaim masculinity at the expense of female geeks.

This post represents my second-most-visited page on Geek Studies (after the Geeks vs. Nerds page), but doesn’t really represent my most up-to-date thoughts on the subject in an easily digestible format. I’m hoping to have some time to write a follow-up shortly, based more on what actually made it into the dissertation. If you’re interested in reading the relevant portion of the dissertation to give me feedback before I adapt it for this blog (and, hopefully, a book manuscript), feel free to email me at jason@geekstudies.org.

I used to think that sexism in the world was entirely due to men, but I think the factor has more to do with how both genders build up their identity as children. For instance, When males grow up they have to separate themselves from the femininity because guys who show their “sensitive” emotions or thoughts will be ridiculed for being feminine.

This isn’t fair to both boys and girls because it devalues femininity which leads to sexism for girls (since girls are expected to be feminine). Additionally, this causes problems for males because they will have to live up to the “superior” ideal of masculinity and if they don’t, the will be considered feminine or female-like. In other words, a sissy.

I think identity-building has a big root in the reason why some people find blatant sexism acceptable. Such as female characters always having to be the one rescued, females characters usually having to look sexually attractive in movies/games, and even in school, not just online. In my graphic engineering class, mostly dominated by men, a guy needed help and the teacher assigned a girl to aid him. One guy sitting next to him said, “haha you need help from a girl.” What was most disturbing was the girl was right in front of him, including another girl, me, who was sitting next to him.

Since, I’m a female, I have to acknowledge that I can’t completely form a guy’s perspective, but I will try tie up my ideas to geek culture. Because males, at a very earlier age, are pressured by society to be strong and powerful, geeks males try to find ways to make themselves live up to that ideal. Some find answers in putting-down geek females online – saying things like “females stink at (this or that),” attempting to build up their sense of worth, and the pride of being a male. Other ways they can make themselves look stronger (than women) is to insult other males by calling them “you’re a women!” I’ve witnessed this in my engineering class and in online games/forums. Sometimes I question why I let myself be exposed to this kinds of blatant disrespect, but I love gaming and if girl geeks are to be accepted into the gaming culture, we have to show we are strong by brushing off slurs like these.

Although the gaming culture does show many forms of sexism towards women, I think that people are becoming more and more tolerant of female gamers and females as a whole. Most tolerant people are older and mature. The many friends I’ve met through gaming respect me as they do the other males, the ones that don’t respect me are usually the ones who don’t have respect for most other people – their parents, themselves and even their friends. However, there are males and females who just disrespect women period, and those are the people who’s opinion don’t matter because their opinions are just full of hatred and no reason behind it.

I don’t think it’s a question of why geeks don’t accept girl geeks. It has more to do with the complexity of how people find their identities. I see girl geeks almost as if they were the tomboys of the internet/media. Girls aren’t being bashed for being geeks, they are being bashed for being a girl and the privilege that they can be feminine (and even masculine) and not be ridiculed for it, and since you can say anything on the net, some geeks will say anything to feel more big and superior. That’s just human nature. But of course, it’s not a right or just excuse in the treatment of women.

In order for both genders to become more tolerant of the other, we have to stop treating females and males like they are totally different. We act like we are all either pink or blue, why can’t we be green, somewhere in the middle? When I grew up as a child I thought I was the same as a guy apart from physical characteristics and sexuality. I had to steadily learn that society did not view females in society (including the geek culture) in the same way they did men. I thought that I was a guy in a woman’s body when really, it was society that was distorted. Today, there is no doubt I’m a women and my boyfriend is pretty sure I’m a women even though I may “act like” a geek sometimes. Society acts like femininity is only acceptable to women, while masculinity is more valued in society from both genders. It is ridiculous.

P.S: Even though I spent a great deal of time reading everything above and writing this, I’m glad I did because it organized thoughts and gave me new insights, and I hope it helps other girls or guys who are looking for answers.

If I may follow up in the spirit of Mike’s hopefulness, I’d like to share a page I stumbled upon recently: a list of “Resources for Men” in the Geek Feminism Wiki. (I hadn’t been aware that there even was such a wiki until Google Analytics told me that some people found their way to this site from it.)

I haven’t read all the links on that page yet, but I was particularly fascinated by “A Straight Male Geek’s Guide to Interaction with Females” (linked to not by that page but by one of the links on that page, “Don’t Be That Guy”, who points out that the behaviors in the “Guide” should be common sense, rather than a rarity in some circles). I also thought that the “Male Programmer Privilege Checklist” offered an interesting perspective, coming from someone who altered his extrinsic gender (female to male), and suddenly realized just how different the experience of being a programmer can be depending on gender (both in terms of one’s own subjective discomfort and objectively observable treatment by others).

P.S. I sure like to use parentheses.